What I learned in August

What I learned in August was more than I can remember, that much I know. I’ve decided to start writing things down as they happen so nothing (or at least not as much) gets left out.

I learned that worry doesn’t get you anywhere; it just releases cortisol and adds wrinkles and insomnia and makes us go for poor food choices. And all those things lead to another set of worries….

You cannot always trust the people you have loved. I made that discovery a few years ago but then that fact came back and slammed me in the face with my husband. Disappointment can really suck.

We don’t need to label ourselves as idiots because we’ve not seen things coming directly at us. Being blind-sided happens to the smartest of people.

Good friends are hard to beat in the game of life. Especially the ones who help you move and listen and offer rides to the ED or to the doctor. They should never be taken for granted, but rather valued for what they are: lifesavers and more.

There are also those good friends who would if they could but they live on the East Coast or in the PNW. True treasures.

My children have helped me in so many ways; they are saints-in that way. I already knew this, but had to say it again.

I need to follow the pre-diabetes diet; it is me who is in charge of my health.

Being open to hearing and listening quietly brings in a wealth of creativity and good.

Money is one of the biggest of motivators; I’ve tested it out this month and it’s true.

Having something to look forward to should be on everyone’s agenda. It makes for a better day or week or season.

A person can read a book in a week, sometimes two. It’s much easier than you think if you stay home and keep the TV and phone and laptop turned off.

Things can turn out much, much better than you think they can. Sometimes it just takes a while to realize that.

Time heals in miraculous ways; you just have to trust it.

Some bonds are never broken, no matter how much time has passed between two people.

There are loves that never die, no matter how long ago you met a person or stopped dating them. (And I don’t mean my husband).

Patience is a virtue I continue to lust after; sometimes I get pretty close.

Imagining, writing, dreaming and praying about things can make them come true. There’s nothing better than the realization you are on the right path.

Any place can be made to be beautiful.

Pacts with people bring us closer together.

One of the greatest things you can give anyone is your time and your ear.

You never know what the future holds; it’s best to live life to the fullest every single day.

Those who take the greatest risks reap the greatest rewards.

Highs and lows

What a day yesterday was! Extreme highs and lows, the latter, I could not bring myself to write about last night. In the afternoon, I learned that a sweetheart from way back is dying. Two months ago, his life was just about perfect. Then brain cancer. Surgery. The bitch came right back, this time all over. Radiation and chemo. Hospice now. He’s non-communicative as his family sits by his side, waiting.

I spoke to my son last night about the impending death of this wonderful man. Along with the grief and the sadness comes that wake-up call, like the one I had when my father died. Life on this Earth stops as we know it; none of us are safe from the grips of death. And whether a Christian or a Jew or a Hindu or Agnostic, it still stops as we know it, the getting up in the morning, the love and the disaster. This got me to thinking, wondering when my day will come.

There’s a part of me that wants to run outdoors, take it all in. Fast. Go ahead and get that house, take that trip, pull out the fly rod. But I’m so busy living my life, I say to myself. The thoughts then move to a change of priorities as I think about the things on my bucket list. What do I do now???

It’s obvious I need to do more thinking.

An unexpected nirvana

I sit in my bed writing out my plans for the day: clean the kitchen, finish the Tyler book, get groceries, work on that critical paper. Then my world turns upside down as I decide to check my Goddard email. She won’t answer me for probably another week, I tell myself; the deadline for sending the stuff in is just today. And then there it is: an email from Darrah with an attachment. My heart begins to beat faster and I feel a bit tingly and that I’m not really here but floating someplace else as I open it up and begin to read:

Bravo

And there was more; great things on my creative work, enough good stuff to send me soaring into some kind of nirvana. It’s hard to settle down. I didn’t need that caffeine that’s now circulating in my veins.

Darrah had such brilliant observations, such remarkable suggestions about just the changing of a few words, a different point of view here, showing more of a character there. I could see the huge differences and was ecstatic. That should make sense since this is what she does for a living. She alone is worth every penny of my tuition. Wow.

It’s 10:15 am and I realize I’ve forgotten to eat breakfast.

Now that it’s 9:30 pm and time to go to bed, I realize I never got back to that email, to begin my revisions, which are due in three weeks. There was so much built up inside me this morning that I had to get out of the house. A kind of excitement and another one of those feelings that I’m on the right path; it felt like too much. In order to work off the energy, I got busy: Groceries, two more of the books on the book list at Half Price Books, a new 8X8 Pyrex baking dish at Target, two more new plants and two bags of dirt and four little annuals that were on sale at Calloway’s, each just 99 cents. A pillow on sale at Pier 1, another at Pottery Barn with a 20% off coupon. The search for a kitchen rug; the one in Seattle somehow lost; maybe I’ll have better luck with finding one next time.

I hope I calm down more tomorrow.