Two people tell me I seem “more alive” than I did a month or two ago. There are days when I feel a new depth to my thoughts. Growth and newfound wisdom. During today’s appointment, my psychiatrist said I seem to “still have lots of feelings” for my husband. Some good news, some bad. One foot in front of the other…..
Sometimes there are so many events and experiences in the making that I forget or get caught up in the next one, the one from yesterday forgotten or disappearing without announcement. If there’s no closure, it’ll come back ‘round again.
I’ve learned that people, even those you have not connected with in a very long time, can return to you even sweeter and kinder than before. Helpful beyond the call of duty, bringing a sense of calm, the assurance that things will turn out OK because they are helping you. Pounds of worry off my plate.
My kids keep showing up for me. The relationship I have with them more precious than gold. I want to become even closer with those two. I learned there are now three yes’s to a possible trip or reunion in December. It’s always good to have something to look forward to.
Sometimes you get bad news. Acceptance and faith make it much easier to bear.
In general, people don’t seem to change. What you see is what you get and what you got in the past is what you continue to get present day. That goes for the good ones and the bad ones.
Grief is not linear. It zig zags back and forth, the trajectory never making sense.
The cleanse for a colonoscopy is not nearly as bad as I’d expected. The procedure, just plain easy as pie. Especially those 30 seconds when you are awake and can feel the propofol. Early detection always a blessing.
Patience is still having its way with me, but I am improving.
I see that people are jealous, the reason unfounded, making things so much more complicated when it is floating around. The weight so heavy. The inability to see clearly and the desire to strike out are never helpful.
Fly fishing is a blast! I’m fortunate to have found a new hobby I enjoy. I stretched myself; the loneliness and fear I wore were well worth it. There’s still more of that to come. Getting out there comes with its rewards.
You do get used to the heat in Texas.
A good cry can be therapeutic. The points in between my times of wailing/tears/watery eyes growing wider. This is good.
Things do get better even when there are steps taken backwards.
It’s important to remember bad stuff always look better after a good night’s sleep. Making decisions while exhausted is never a good idea.
Seeing either one of my children makes my heart sing. Each gives me reason to be thankful. And I’m not done being needed. Never will be.
The effects of alcohol arrive as my enemy. Propofol can take the same name. Irrational thoughts, nostalgia, melancholy, old times. None of those are good for me.
Having an influence (in a positive way) on others, adding a hand as they reach for their dreams, being an inspiration, scooping away fear-it doesn’t get any better than that. I know I want to do that forever.
Faith really does get you through the toughest of days. And nights.
Some things are worth the money. Like insurance for therapy. One-stop movers. Finding an apartment where you feel safe.
Counting calories doesn’t help you gain that much weight. Neither does weighing cheese. I’m still up just two pounds.
Taking things one day or sometimes one hour or one minute or one second at a time, that’s the only way to go. Break it down into something manageable. I don’t always practice what I preach, but I do know the difference.
The dissolution of my marriage, mere weeks in the making, taking so much longer to say I have survived. My head not always above water. But I still try. It’s critical you just keep at it.
Changing a ring tone can be so therapeutic. It can stop an association dead in its tracks. It’s worth the time to scroll through and choose a new sound.